Not Gonna Deal Anymore
by OneShotWonderment
Summary: I just can't deal anymore. Bella's POV.  This is a one shot.  The second chapter is the alternate ending.
1. Version 1 – Sad

**Title:** Not Gonna Deal Anymore

**Notes**: This is 'New Moon' leave now if you have not read it. This takes place about two weeks after Edward and the rest of the Cullens leave Forks.

**Summary**: I just can't deal anymore. (Bella's POV)

**Chapter**: Version 1 – Original Ending (Sad)

**Author Name**: OneShotWonderment

**Rating**: PG-13

**Warnings**: Character Death.

**Disclaimer**: _**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of OneShotWonderment. OneShotWonderment is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

* * *

My legs were aching but I didn't notice. Numb. That was all I felt since _he_ left. Maybe there was nothing left to feel. Maybe I felt my allotment of feelings. I pushed all thoughts away as the house grew closer and closer. Now was the time. I knew it.

I opened the door to the house and ran up the stairs. I didn't need or want to dwell. I stopped dead in my tracks when I happened to glance upward at the ceiling. It was still there. Just as it had been on my first visit to the Cullen residence. I forced myself not to linger. I walked swiftly to _his_ room not turning to look back at the cross.

His door creaked as I pushed it opened. I stepped into the room and shut and locked the door behind me. Everything remained as it had from the last time I was here. Almost everything. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a sliver CD sitting on top of the massive stereo system. I walked over it and gingerly picked it up. The reflective side of the disc blinded momentarily as I turned it over and over in my hand. The player opened on my command and I placed the disc inside. The click it made when it closed seemed to echo in the massive empty home.

The music began after I was seated on the black couch. I recognized it immediately. My lullaby was seeping through the speakers. I picked up the stereo remote off the floor and pressed the 'Repeat 1 Song' button. I sat through the wonderful melody one time through with my eyes closed.

The reason I came here poked me in the back. Reminding me. I pulled the knife from my shirt slowly. It was time. Truly. No one here needed me anymore. Not Charlie. Not Renee.

I hadn't heard from Renee in about two weeks. But she was happy. Desperately so. And I was happy for her. Deeply. She and Phil just received the wonderful news that she was pregnant with twins the last time I talked to her. Now she had a complete family and I was just a background memory. A memory that would fade with each passing moment. It was just as well. I didn't want any sadness to ruin her perfect family image. I hoped she would understand why I was about to do what I was about to do. It didn't matter, though, weather she did or not.

My mind flickered briefly to Charlie in worry for him until I remembered there was no need. He was well taken care of now. Better then when I had been taking care of him. Darcy was a wonderful woman who loved my father for all his quirks and faults. She made him more happy then I had ever seen him and he made her happy too. Their love, although deeply moving and beautiful, made the hole in me throb so painfully. Their love only served as a reminder to me of what I had and lost. Just thinking about it brought the pain back even more.

I gripped the knife tighter in my right hand as I doubled over in pain. This had to stop. I would make it stop. Straightening back up I placed the knife over the throbbing hole. With a deep breath I pulled the knife away and prepared to plunge it.

I didn't know what would happen to me, but I didn't care as long as the pain stopped. There was no pain in heaven and part of me so desperate for that. If I went to hell then I went to hell. At least there the physical pain would (hopefully) outweigh the emotional one. A single tear escaped my eye as I whispered my last goodbye to one who was long gone. I hoped somehow, wherever he was, he'd know. Know that he was the one I would miss.

"_Edward."_ I whispered before letting my hand swing down with force. I watched the blood pool expecting my usual sickness to come over me, but it did not. I felt grateful. Grateful that the emotional wound was now a physical one. Grateful that it was over. As my eyes drifted closed I truly smiled for the first time since Edward left. My sweet lullaby led me out of the mortal world and into the next.


	2. Version 2  Happy

**Title:** Not Gonna Deal Anymore

**Notes**: This is 'New Moon' leave now if you have not read it. This takes place about two weeks after Edward and the rest of the Cullens leave Forks.

This alternate ending part starts after the following quote:

""_Edward."_ I whispered before letting my hand swing down with force."

**Summary**: I just can't deal anymore. (Bella's POV)

**Chapter**: Version 1 – Alternate Ending (Happy)

**Author Name**: OneShotWonderment

**Rating**: PG-13

**Warnings**: None

**Disclaimer**: _**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of OneShotWonderment. OneShotWonderment is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

* * *

My legs were aching but I didn't notice. Numb. That was all I felt since _he_ left. Maybe there was nothing left to feel. Maybe I felt my allotment of feelings. I pushed all thoughts away as the house grew closer and closer. Now was the time. I knew it. 

I opened the door to the house and ran up the stairs. I didn't need or want to dwell. I stopped dead in my tracks when I happened to glance upward at the ceiling. It was still there. Just as it had been on my first visit to the Cullen residence. I forced myself not to linger. I walked swiftly to _his_ room not turning to look back at the cross.

His door creaked as I pushed it opened. I stepped into the room and shut and locked the door behind me. Everything remained as it had from the last time I was here. Almost everything. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a sliver CD sitting on top of the massive stereo system. I walked over it and gingerly picked it up. The reflective side of the disc blinded momentarily as I turned it over and over in my hand. The player opened on my command and I placed the disc inside. The click it made when it closed seemed to echo in the massive empty home.

The music began after I was seated on the black couch. I recognized it immediately. My lullaby was seeping through the speakers. I picked up the stereo remote off the floor and pressed the 'Repeat 1 Song' button. I sat through the wonderful melody one time through with my eyes closed.

The reason I came here poked me in the back. Reminding me. I pulled the knife from my shirt slowly. It was time. Truly. No one here needed me anymore. Not Charlie. Not Renee.

I hadn't heard from Renee in about two weeks. But she was happy. Desperately so. And I was happy for her. Deeply. She and Phil just received the wonderful news that she was pregnant with twins the last time I talked to her. Now she had a complete family and I was just a background memory. A memory that would fade with each passing moment. It was just as well. I didn't want any sadness to ruin her perfect family image. I hoped she would understand why I was about to do what I was about to do. It didn't matter, though, weather she did or not.

My mind flickered briefly to Charlie in worry for him until I remembered there was no need. He was well taken care of now. Better then when I had been taking care of him. Darcy was a wonderful woman who loved my father for all his quirks and faults. She made him more happy then I had ever seen him and he made her happy too. Their love, although deeply moving and beautiful, made the hole in me throb so painfully. Their love only served as a reminder to me of what I had and lost. Just thinking about it brought the pain back even more.

I gripped the knife tighter in my right hand as I doubled over in pain. This had to stop. I would make it stop. Straightening back up I placed the knife over the throbbing hole. With a deep breath I pulled the knife away and prepared to plunge it.

I didn't know what would happen to me, but I didn't care as long as the pain stopped. There was no pain in heaven and part of me so desperate for that. If I went to hell then I went to hell. At least there the physical pain would (hopefully) outweigh the emotional one. A single tear escaped my eye as I whispered my last goodbye to one who was long gone. I hoped somehow, wherever he was, he'd know. Know that he was the one I would miss.

"_Edward."_ I whispered before letting my hand swing down with force. The knife was snatched from my hand and thrown far away from me before I could even blink.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing!?!" He roared at me. His features were horribly angry. He was beautiful. So beautiful.

"Edward?" I asked my voice a whisper. It couldn't be real. Edward was gone. I must have died and now I was being given my own personal peace while it was decided where I was headed. Like hold music.

"You promised, Bella," He snarled at me putting emphasis on 'promised'. Then his voice was suddenly soft and very sad.

"You promised me." So I wasn't dead. I couldn't be. I felt ashamed. Ashamed that he had seen me trying to end the emotional pain. More so, though, I felt angry. I tried to force it down, but it bubbled up.

"You promised me, Edward!" I yelled at him just as he had me, but I put emphasis on the 'me'.

"You promised me you'd be here for me, remember?" I paused for a moment to take a breath. I felt someone, Jasper, trying to quell my raging emotions, but I wasn't having that.

"Or are your promises as easily forgotten as I am?" I asked bitterly. I stepped around him and took off out of the house. I knew the others were there, but I couldn't see them in the house on my way out. It was cold outside as the rain poured from the sky in sheets. I didn't notice though. I kept running. I knew it was useless, of course, but I had to try. As I expected Edward intercepted me as I entered the woods surrounding the Cullen home.

"You think I forgot about you? You think I could EVER forget about you?" His voice carried through tress. His bitter laugh was startling as he took a step closer to me.

"Bella, you are all I think about! It killed me inside being away from you. I was tempted so many times to come back here. Come back to you." His words were spoken with such sincerity that there was no way I could doubt.

"Why didn't you?" I was no longer angry just curious. I never could stay mad at him for too long. Not when he was so open with me about his feelings and thoughts.

"Because we had to care of a problem. If we hadn't left to care of it, you and the rest of the humans would no longer be here." His velvet voice sealed up the emotional wound, forever, I hoped.

"Why didn't you just tell me _that_?" It sure would have saved me a lot of pain.

"We didn't know how long it was going to take and I didn't want you to put your life on hold. We weren't even sure we'd make it back." This thought. The thought of losing him forever, permanently with no chance of return made me cry. If that had truly occurred, it wouldn't have taken so long to come to the decision I did this morning.

He pulled into his arms and I clung to him desperately. I was surprised to find that he clung to me just as desperately.

"I'm never letting go." I informed him, as if it were a matter of fact, through my tears. He chuckled.

"That's fine by me." He replied, then swooped me up into his arms, and carried me back toward his home. Everything was okay now. **Finally.**


End file.
